My first act of negligence

I am a terrible mother. I was doing my mom 'n baby workout this afternoon with Theo and one segment of the video has you sit on the floor with your baby lying on the floor between your knees. At the most inopportune moment, Todd came over and put his ball right next to Theo's head. I thought the best way to get him to move would be to throw the ball. I threw the ball into the hallway. Todd must've been confused because he jumped over Theo toward he kitchen (also scratching Theo's face) and then ran around him to get to the ball in the hallway. Theo screamed (for about 15 minutes. I cried with him) and one of the 2 scratches bled a little, tiny bit. I finally calmed him and then cleaned the scratches and put some neosporin on them. I spent the rest of the afternoon holding him, rocking him, feeding him, and feeling like a complete waste of space. Andy came home and I proceeded to cry again. What did I think....that he was never going to get a scratch?.....that he was never going to feel any type of pain?......that I could protect him from all of the unpleasantness of life?.....YES!! Our friend Jean came to bring us dinner tonight and I shared my horror story with her. She laughed (she has 2 grown kids about our age) and basically told me to lighten up. She's right. I need to realize that every day isn't going to go perfectly. I will make mistakes (and the dog will too). Luckily, pretty soon Theo will be bigger than Todd and he can pull his fur and tail to get back at him for today. Some of you are probably wondering why I would write about this for all of you to read. I am writing it down because my instinct is to pretend it never happened, never tell anyone, and try to maintain that I am the world's first and only perfect mother. We all know that isn't true and isn't possible either. I need to give my son's life to God each and every day and practice putting Him in charge (since I obviously do a pretty shabby job) of what is in store for Theo. That said, I will make sure Todd is always reminded to be gentle when he's anywhere near Theo from now on. In Todd's defense, I know it was a complete accident performed by a sweet and loving dog who is just feeling a little bit stir crazy because of shorter walks and less attention with a new baby in the house. Please pray that I will be able to still feel confident in my mothering abilities and that I will give all of my anxieties to God.

"You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can." ~Jimmy Carter~